Meet the Wordmasters

People are as different as a box of assorted jellybeans.  No two people are the same.  Because of this, families are unique too.  Some of them, however are a little more…interesting than others.  One of these interesting families are the Wordmasters.  There is a description of each member below so you can see just how interesting they really are.

Ian the Impeller

Ian the Impeller

Ian the Impeller is the husband of Sophie the Scrutinizer and the father of Prodigious Patrick, Mawkish Madeleine, Philanthropic Phyllis, and Puerile Polly.  He and Sophie make a good team, because when she notices something dirty, he makes the kids clean it up.  He has his own company because he likes to be in charge and always orders people around.  The kids are very involved at school because he forces them to sign up for things.

Sophie the Scrutinizer

Sophie the Scrutinizer

Sophie the Scrutinizer is the wife of Ian the Impeller and the mother of Prodigious Patrick, Mawkish Madeleine, Philanthropic Phyllis, and Puerile Polly.  She is an extreme neat freak who has a sharp eye for detail, much to the dismay of her children.  If there is a crayon line on the wall from when Polly was coloring, Sophie will notice.  If Phyllis leaves a charity ad on the table, Sophie will notice.  If there’s a tearstain on Madeleine’s rug, Sophie will notice.  If one of Patrick’s hairs is on the ceiling because he bumped it with his head, Sophie will notice.  She’ll even notice a microscopic speck of dirt on the rug.

Prodigious Patrick

Prodigious Patrick

Prodigious Patrick is twenty years old.  He’s very tall and his parents and younger siblings have to tilt their heads back just to look at him.  He excels at just about everything.  In high school, he was in the highest level class for every subject and he got straight A+’s.  He was the star of every sports team at the school.  He was also the president of the drama club, not to mention the star of every show, and the low brass section leader of the marching band (he played the tuba).  He currently goes to MIT and visits his family during vacations.

Mawkish Madeleine

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Mawkish Madeleine is sixteen years old.  One of her favorite things to do is to cry over old romantic movies.  Her personal favorite is Casablanca.  When  her father, Ian the Impeller, forces her to do something more constructive, she cries over romance novels instead.  She’s had many boyfriends and cried when they dumped her because she was so silly.  She would then go home and write about it in her diary.  Madeleine is a prominent member of her high school’s drama club as well as a cheerleader, but she doesn’t do very well in school because she daydreams, although she does like English class because they read some cry-worthy material.  But then, almost everything is cry-worthy for her. 

Philanthropic Phyllis

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Philanthropic Phyllis is eleven years old.  At the end of fifth grade, she was voted “Kindest” by her classmates.  When she was six, her family went on vacation to New York City and she saw a homeless person for the first time.  She was so affected by this encounter that she’s been a humanitarian ever since.  She donates every cent of her allowance to charities.  Her life’s goal is to help people and she can’t wait until she grows up so she can really make a difference.

Puerile Polly

Puerile Polly

Puerile Polly is the youngest member of the family, being five years old.  All five-year-olds are immature, but everyone who knows her swears that Polly is the worst they’ve ever seen.  As soon as she could talk, she started making immature jokes and comments about everything.  Sometimes she is just silly, but other times she is downright aggravating.  Someone would’ve hurt her long ago if she wasn’t so adorable that no one can stay mad at her for long.  Her parents fear for her future because it seems so unlikely that she will ever grow out of her immaturity.

Harry Potter: Back to the Basics

Some people won’t eat a certain food until lots of people tell them that it’s good.  Often, this is the same for books.  If you haven’t read the Harry Potter books, then I will tell you: they are good.  I’ve put a brief summary of each book in case my word isn’t enough to convince you.

Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone – Harry Potter has spent his whole life raised by his aunt, uncle, and cousin, all of whom bully and neglect him.  On his eleventh birthday, a giant named Hagrid comes and tells Harry that he is a wizard and that he will be going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Harry is thrilled and boards the train to school in September, making his first foray into the wizarding world.  His first year is filled with friends, enemies, good times, trouble, and, of course, magic.  At the end of the book he saves the Sorceror’s Stone from Voldemort, the most evil wizard of all time.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – Harry can’t wait to return to Hogwarts and see his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, again.  But when he does, it is to find strange things happening.  Students start turning to stone, and when Harry finds out he can talk to snakes, the whole school thinks he’s behind it.  After many schemes, ideas, and mishaps, Harry and Ron enter the Chamber of Secrets and catch the person who really is doing it.  Dumbledore, the headmaster, awards them each two hundred points, and Gryffindor, their house, wins the House Cup for the second year in a row.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – At the beginning of the book, Harry finds out that a mass-murderer named Sirius Black has escaped from the wizard prison Azkaban and is supposedly after Harry.  Meanwhile, school continues as normal.  Oliver Wood, a Quidditch zealot that’s the captain of Harry’s team, is determined to win the Quidditch cup and schedules a lot of practices, which takes up a lot of Harry’s time.  There are many secrets to be revealed and punishments to avoid in this book.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Hogwarts is participating in an inter-school competition that has been reinstated after several decades.  Only  students seventeen or older are allowed to enter, but Harry, who is only fourteen, finds himself a champion anyway.  Someone is trying to kill him, but he has to survive three dangerous tasks, competing against three much older students, before he can find out who.  At the end of the book, Voldemort returns.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – Harry starts off his fifth year hearing about how the whole wizarding world thinks he’s lying about Voldemort’s return and that Dumbledore’s going senile because he believes Harry.  He feels misunderstood, and a horrible Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher doesn’t help matters.  There’s also a secret society called the Order of the Phoenix that’s trying to stop Voldemort.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – In this book, Harry and his friends have normal sixteen-year-old lives as well as having much bigger problems to solve.  Ron goes out with the mawkish Lavender Brown and Hermione gets really jealous.  Meanwhile, Harry finds himself falling for Ron’s younger sister Ginny.  At the same time, Harry and Dumbledore are working on finding a way to defeat Voldemort.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – This book is so dark and mature that if it weren’t so good, you’d find yourself longing for the puerile days of the first book.  The wizarding world has been taken over by Voldemort.  The government and school system are corrupt, so Harry, Ron, and Hermione don’t return to school and instead try to defeat Voldemort.  Eventually, they return to Hogwarts and experience the epic final battle.

A Muggle’s Guide to Harry Potter Characters

When somebody says they have something to tell you, and you get all excited, but it ends up being completely stupid, there’s a sinking sensation in your stomach, a feeling of disappointment.  This is remarkably similar to the feeling you get when you’re left out.  If you’ve never read Harry Potter before, you’re probably accustomed to this feeling.  You hear people talking about “Voldemort” and “Dumbledore” and “Malfoy” and you have no idea what this means.  Lucky for you, I have created a guide to ten of the characters in Harry Potter so that you can be more informed.

Harry Potter — He is called “the Boy Who Lived” because he survived the killing curse Voldemort hit him with when he was only one year old.  His parents were killed, though, and Harry was raised by his aunt and uncle who hated him and everything else magic-related.  He started at Hogwarts when he was eleven where he was sorted into Gryffindor house.

Ron Weasley — He is Harry’s best friend.  He has red hair and freckles and comes from a large wizard family.  He has five older brothers who always outshine him and he also has a younger sister named Ginny.  He is also in Gryffindor.

Hermione Granger — She is Harry’s other best friend.  She is the best student in the year because she is extremely smart.  She is Muggleborn, which causes many people to look down upon her.  She is a Gryffindor as well.

Albus Dumbledore — He is the headmaster of Hogwarts.  He is eccentric but brilliant and some people admire the way he runs the school, while others disapprove.  He and Harry are very close, and he helps Harry figure out how to defeat Voldemort.

Draco Malfoy — He is a Slytherin student who is Harry’s arch nemesis.  He and Harry hated each other from the moment they met.  They always taunt each other and they compete in many things.  Draco was on Voldemort’s side during the war, but at the end he repented and was mostly forgiven.

Voldemort — He is the evilest wizard who ever lived and Harry’s mortal enemy.  He attempts to kill Harry countless times throughout the series.  He kills people mercilessly, which shows that he is a very pernicious person.

Cedric Diggory — He was the Hogwarts champion in the Triwizard Tournament.  Harry was chosen as a second champion, even though there was only supposed to be one champion per school.  This caused many schisms among the Hogwarts students because some supported Cedric and others supported Harry.

Rita Skeeter — She is a reporter.  She twists everything people says so that it reflects badly on them.  She started several nasty rumors about Harry and he had to do his best to quash them.

Sybill Trelawney — She teaches Divination at Hogwarts.  She pretends to be able to predict the future, but she is a fraud who just guesses.  In Harry’s first class, she sees a portent in his tea leaves that suggested he was going to die.

Cornelius Fudge — He was the Minister of Magic.  In Harry’s fourth year, Voldemort returned and Fudge, along with most of the wizarding world, refused to believe it.  Dumbledore repeatedly insisted that Voldemort was indeed back, but all his claims were repudiated by Fudge.